1. You grind coffee beans in your mouth
2. You sleep with your eyes open
3. You have to watch videos in fast-forward
4. The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake
5. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without the timer
6. You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week
7. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze
8. You chew on other people's fingernails
9. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse
10. You can type sixty words a minute with your feet
11. You can jump start your car without cables
12. You don't sweat, you percolate
13. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in
14. You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them
15. You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers
16. Instant coffee takes too long
17. You channel surf faster without a remote
18. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug
19. You short out motion detectors
20. You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore
21. You help your dog chase its tail
22. You soak your dentures in coffee
23. Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee and an IV hook-up
24. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked
25. You answer the door before people knock

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